Results

When you work hard, you expect results or a reward. If you lift weights for 6 months you hope to see muscle definition. If you study for hours and hours you hope for a good test mark. Layla is a lot of work. She wants someone to hold her all the time, she cries a lot. And we're okay with that. We've made it work in our lives. It often makes us laugh... On good days. But I wish we would get the reward. I wish we would see her grow and flourish into a strong, courageous woman. I've had people tell me that since Layla's always been pretty stubborn and needy that she is going to have so much personality as she grows, she's going to be such a go getter as an adult. I get so mad when I hear these things, that we're not going to see this. It's not fair. It's not fair for Layla! I just love her so much and it breaks my heart to come to this realization. 

Now that we've let the diagnosis sink in more I've had more time to think about others and how they are feeling. I don't like that people walk on eggshells around us. I think they are afraid to show us their emotions. But when they don't then I feel like they don't really care (which I know they do but..) and I'm nervous that people don't have the most accurate information if they haven't heard it through us. I know it's not the happiest of topics but I find it therapeutic to talk about it outloud with other people. I actually like when people ask questions. Is that strange? Maybe I need an actual therapist. That's something that's been so nice about having my family in town the last week.. Lots of talking time! And since it's their niece they are genuinely interested in her and our wellbeing. 

This is Layla and her newest cousin!