Two

"She doesn't have SMA but I am assuming that she will have a similar outcome." Those words cut like knives. My heart breaking into a million pieces. I didn't know how to feel. There was some relief that she didn't have type 1 SMA which is basically a death sentence, those children rarely living past two. Then processing that no one knew what her diagnosis was but they saw a similar outcome of us not having her much longer. They told us she would most likely just get worse.. slowly losing all abilities.
Look at her now! She made it to two. She made it to two! It's such a big deal. A miracle really. I'm scared of making it a big deal. Letting myself think forward of how many birthdays she'll have and what she'll be like at each, is a bad road I go down too often. I have to consciously try to STOP thinking of what isn't and think of what is.
Layla is here and is doing so much more than the doctors thought she'd be able to. She can press on the piano on her playmat with her feet, and pull a rope to get a fan moving and can kick at me when I tickle her feet. She can catch my gaze and smile when our eye connect. She can yell and cry at me when I leave her alone and she doesn't want to be (always). And my favourite, she can full out belly laugh. All signs that she is there, she is present and she knows what she's doing. For that I am incredibly thankful. She is a typical two year old in many ways that we often overlook.

Thing are looking up for the coming year ahead. Hopefully an accessible van, more respite, more independence for Layla, daycare..

Party at the park tomorrow for the big 0-2. Family and friends will gather to celebrate this sweet little girl's life. 

"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is you-er than you."