In sickness and in health

My husband is amazing. No, he's truly amazing. After all we've been through in the last few years I can't believe how strong he's stayed through it. Especially how I've been the last while. I'm not saying every day is a walk in the park for him (far from it) but he has every right to be angry, bitter, distant etc. yet he chooses not to. I need him not to right now. It allows me to deal with my stuff. It seems as though one of us is always stronger than the other, to help pick them up. I dread to think about where we'd be if we were both letting life get the best of us at the same time.
Yesterday he got off work early to surprise take me on a date. We celebrated five years together. Started with a beautiful drive to the town we got married in, shared a milkshake at the diner, had a nice long fall walk full of conversation and finished with a meal. The weather was perfect, the setting was perfect. We shared of struggles and fears, goal and aspirations. I am so thankful of how open and honest our relationship is. There is no fear of judgement between us. That sort of raw honesty brings a lot of tears but also laughter. Amidst the depressing conversations we both try and bring in some humour. When discussing how hard it is to get out child to sleep, or calm her when she's past her limit, or how badly our backs hurt from rocking, my husband says "What other option do we have!?" We both know how difficult it is to care for Layla with two parents in the picture that it would just be downright cruel for either of us to leave the other. So I guess we're stuck together. I could think of far worse people to be stuck with. He is probably the most involved dad I've seen. He works full time, gets home only to help with our daughter, spend time with me and give me some time to complete the house/personal tasks that there is no time for in the day with a needy child. There is no down time. I wish so badly that Layla would go to sleep at 7pm so we could at least have a couple hours to ourselves nightly. Unfortunately with her sleep schedule so short we don't have that option.   Something we have made a priority this year is to give each of ourselves one thing that is our own. Aaron is coaching volleyball and I am playing on a soccer team. Especially for myself, spending all day and night with her it is so great to not have to attend to a child for a few hours a week. We talk about getting that opportunity through going back to work but with having multiple appointments weekly and having to work around my husband's scheduled I just don't know if it's a possibility. Easier said than done. It is so hard to think about fully giving up my job. I hate feeling like I wouldn't be contributing financially. I want to have a purpose, to feel I'm moving up in the world. I fear what others will think. They'll just imagine that I'm lazy, at home drinking Starbucks and going to the spa regularly.. I wish.